Prevent Your Girl's Shut Down at Puberty

Prevent Your Girl's Shut Down at Puberty

"When a girl's body opens up with her first menstruation -- her voice often shuts down...” pointed out Dr. Christiane Northrup during our radio show conversation. The chakra system of energy-points, stretching from the base of our spine to the top of our head, is often likened to a snake. When energy flows unrestricted, it can undulate from its base and freely move upward.
The 2nd chakra, where our womb and reproductive organs reside, is typically dormant until a girl's first blood, known as Menarche. When a girl starts flowing, this dormant energy-point opens up and has to stay open in order for the flow to continue.
However, when cultural taboos around menstruation are so deeply seated -- they produce such shame about bleeding that wounding is bound to follow. Shame, embarrassment, and cultural taboo are destined to create restriction. When flow is restricted – blockage occurs.
What exactly is blocked?
At the onset of menstruation, when a girl's womb opens up but meets negative cultural belief-systems, she experiences two opposing forces: her body opens and flows, while her emotions close up and retreat.
Since the womb (2nd chakra) and the throat (5th chakra), are closely related, the restriction typically shows up as girls' interrupted ability to speak their truth.
Much scientific data, mostly from research conducted during the 1980s, points to a shift in girls' classroom behavior during puberty. Girls who were outspoken, outgoing, and full of confidence, seem to withdraw, minimize their classroom participation, and develop low self esteem and poor body image, as puberty sets in.
Think about your own childhood and adolescence...What kind of girl were you as a young child? Were you similar during adolescence? Or was there an interruption? A change of direction? A withdrawal? If you withdrew, did you ever recover? Are able to speak your truth as a cycling woman? Do you ask for what you need during your period? Can you claim a quiet, rejuvenating space on a monthly basis? Or do you push-on when your flow starts, continue working at home or outside it, while harboring resentment, getting irritable, and being snappy with those around you? And if so, is this the model you wish to convey to the girl in your life?
When you work on reclaiming the voice you lost at Menarche, you not only recover an essential and precious part of yourself... you also model a new way of being to your daughter, and today's girls at large.
Reclaiming your lost voice is possible (and recommended!) at any age, regardless of your menstrual status. And modeling strong-voiced womanhood to the girls in our midst -- will prevent yet another generation of females from closing down and losing their voices.
This is our gift to the next generation!

© 2010, DeAnna L’am, Red Moon - Cycles of Women’s Wisdom

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE?
You can - as long as it stays intact, and you include this complete blurb with it:
DeAnna L’am, (B.A.) speaker, coach, and trainer, is author of Becoming Peers – Mentoring Girls Into Womanhood. Her pioneering work has been transforming women’s & girls' lives around the world, for over 20 years.
DeAnna specializes in enriching women's lives at any age, helps Moms develop ease & confidence about their girl's puberty, and trains women to hold RED TENTS in their communities. Visit her at: www.deannalam.com

Rave Reviews for Moontime for Kory

“I am captivated by the magical of the ordinary in all of this—the details, culture and relationships, along with the underlying connection to the body, nature, sex education and earth mysteries.” Angelica Perry, London, England

Moontime for Kory - A girl & a dolphin come of age in this menarch rite of passage story

LOOKING FOR A FEW READERS/endorcements for "Moontime for Kory," in a sustainable village of long ago, where people honor the earth spirits, a girl and her best friend, a dolphin come of age – a puberty adventure & menarche rite of passage story. I can email you the text - an easy read, & inspiring.

Women for Women International

Women for Women International supports women in war-torn regions with financial and emotional aid, job-skills training, rights education and small business assistance so they can rebuild their lives.

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MOONTIME FOR KORY'S NEW COVER

New Cover drawing by Michael McManus, coloring by Winnie May, 3rd edition SOON!

PMS: Burden or Blessing by Shinan Barclay

PMS: Burden or Blessing

Imagine looking forward to your menstrual period. Picture your partner, friends or co-workers filling in for you so that you can have time to relax during your period. Envision those same people eager to hear about the new insights you received during your ‘Moontime.’ In your heart, feel the experiences of your menstrual time being so revered and honored that your good feelings last all month.

Sounds far fetched? Yet, in essence, these are ways of life practiced by tribal societies. When anthropologist Margaret Mead asked Samoan women in Polynesia about premenstrual symptoms, they thought the question so bazaar, it was a joke.[1] In India the Hindu word rutu means “menses,” and is the root of the word ritual.[2] “We just need to understand that the monthly menstrual period is the quintessential ritual experience,” writes Vicki Noble in Shakti Woman; it is “analogous to the time of the Dark-Moon – the impossibly magical time when the moon disappears from the sky . . .”[3]

Ancient cultures told time by the seasons of the sun and the phases of the moon. Menses in the human female patterns itself after the twenty-eight day cycle of the moon. Like the moon waxing full, the endometrium or lining of the uterus builds up in preparation for fertilization then, again like the moon fades out or wanes. In her groundbreaking book Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, Christiane Northrup, M.D. writes, “The menstrual cycle is the most basic, earthy cycle we have. Our blood is our connection to the archetypal feminine. The macro-cosmic cycles of nature, such as the ebb and flow of the tides and the changes of the seasons, are reflected on a smaller scale in the menstrual cycle of the individual female body.”[4] And Native American visionary, Black Elk, said “ . . .the power of woman grows with the moon and comes and goes with it.”[5] “Moontime” is a natural term for “period,” “menstruation,” “the curse” and “the rag.”

While indigenous women regard their Moontime as a blessing, modern women consider their period a burden. In Western civilizations, 30% to 80% of the female population suffers from Premenstrual Syndrome. PMS symptoms range from headaches and irritability to acts of violence. I talked with a man whose wife had burned their house down and shot and killed their 5 year old son. She suffered from severe PMS. I recall times while having my period of wanting to kill my then husband. Years later, never having connected menstruation to the moon, my boyfriend took me by the hand as I was yelling at him, walked me outside, pointed to the full moon and gently said, “Shinan, you always get this way around the full moon.” From then till now—thirty years—I’ve marked the calendar and honored my Moontime, taking time for stillness, meditation and a nap.

Vicki Noble urges her readers to reclaim their menstrual time. “The menstrual period keeps the heartbeat for a female shaman . . .”[6] There are numerous moon and lunar calendars to help you record your Moontime. By keeping track of your actual bleeding days as well as days of heightened emotions, you can work with and honor your inner biology and sensitivity. Keep a list of ‘soul work’ you’d like to explore, such as understanding your dreams, exploring your archetypes or even planning a day to spend in bed, reading a book on finding your soul’s purpose.

The cause of PMS is undetermined and labeled ‘a hormonal imbalance.’ Yet, this very imbalance or one-sidedness was believed by tribal traditions to open a woman’s intuitive self to vision, wisdom and insight. During a woman's "moon" or menstrual period hormonal changes bring about a time of heightened vulnerability and a dream-like awareness. A tribal woman was encouraged to drift into dreamland, to bring back stories, songs, and insights that would benefit herself, her family and her world. Tribal cultures live in harmony with Nature, aware that everything goes through ebb and flow. Fluctuations in the rhythm of life and changes in the seasons are gifts from the Great Spirit. Just as the Thunder Beings, and Rain Makers transform the air and atmosphere making all things new again, so to a woman's bleeding time allows for transformation, purification, newness and change. Through menstruation, pregnancy and/or birth indigenous people believe that women are instruments of transformation[7] because our basic biology embodies a sacred ritual of change. Native traditions view the biological changes of the menstrual cycle or Moontime as a powerful and positive pathway to inner growth and wisdom.[8]

Unfortunately, in our fast-paced, cyber-space world, we’ve lost touch with nature’s cycles as well as our own creative and emotional cycles. We’ve forgotten how to tune into and use our menstrual energy to empower our lives and our world. We’re too busy doing to become aware of being. In too many places, Human Doings have replaced Human Beings.
"Doing" comes from the goal oriented, analytical, and masculine or left-hemisphere of the brain. "Being" comes from the creative, feeling, and feminine or right-hemisphere of the brain. Many women today pressure themselves to do more and more. “My To Do lists have To Do lists,” I sometimes complain. Stressed out, I’ve forgotten to simply "be." Moontime gives a woman a monthly reminder to take some time out and nurture her soul.

What does this mean in practical terms? For Bianca, a California mom it means honoring her feelings, allowing herself time for an afternoon nap . . .her "Moontime dreamtime." The results: a new business idea that produced a lucrative sale. For Linda, a teacher in Alaska, honoring her Moontime means taking a 'well day' each month, staying home, reading, meditating and daydreaming. The results: an innovative classroom curriculum that has her nominated for teacher of the year. For Mei Lin, an executive secretary and student of Native American traditions, Moontime means taking time out for ritual. “I close my office door, put paper clips in a coffee cup and rattle, chant and dance.” For Monika, Moontime means that her husband cooks dinner, gives the kids their bath and cleans up the mess, while she takes a moonlight walk, reads or soaks in the tub. Results? "Mom's a lot easier to be around and she's not so grumpy." For me, Shinan, honoring my Moontime means allowing myself to dip deeply into my intuitive feminine self, to connect with the sacred place in my heart and then, share that place with others.

Many women are redefining PMS. PMS means Put Men Second, take time for me. PMS, means Please My Self, honor my energy shifts. PMS can be an attitudinal shift from burden to blessing, our menstrual period changes from "woman's curse" to "woman's cure." As we honor our sacred and powerful Moontime energies, women will rebirth feminine wisdom, so needed in our world today.

Shinan N. Barclay, M.A., is the co-author of Moontime for Kory, a puberty adventure and rite-of-passage story in which a girl and a dolphin come of age, [with Mary Dillon-Williamson]. A creativity coach, speaker and storyteller, Shinan’s memoir stories appear in numerous anthologies including: Chicken Soup for Woman’s Soul II, Heavenly Helpings, Scent of Cedar, and Open My Eyes, Open My Soul. Her work has been translated into Spanish, Portuguese, Japanese and Czechoslovakian, as well as reprinted in Sacred Texts of the World’s Great Religions. Editor of Rainmaker’s Prayers, and co-author of The Sedona Vortex Experience, her forthcoming memoir Sedona Calls has received rave reviews. A ceramic artist, gardener and jitterbug fan, she lives in a tiny cottage in a huge rainforest, which borders the 750,000 acre South Slough Estuary of Coos Bay. Shinan says, “I savor the silence.”

[1] Mead, Margaret, Coming of Age in Samoa .William Morrow, New York1961
[2] Gadon, Elinor, The Once and Future Goddess: A Symbol for Our Time .Harper, San Francisco, 1989.
[3] Noble, Vicki, Shakti Woman: Feeling Our Fire, Healing Our World, The New Female Shamanism.
Harper, SanFrancisco, 1991.
[4] Christiane Northrup, M.D. Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.
[5] Neihardt, John G., Black Elk Speaks. U. Nebraska Press, 1972. p161.
[6] Noble, Vicki, Shakti Woman: Feeling Our Fire, Healing Our World, The New Female Shamanism. Harper, San Francisco, 1991.

[7] Allen, Paula Gunn. The Sacred Hoop: Recovering the Feminine in American Indian Traditions. Beacon Press, Boston 1896. Pg28.
[8] Brooke Medicine Eagle. Buffalo Woman Comes Singing. Ballantine, New York, 1991.

This article is copyrighted but can be reprinted & republished if the biline is included and a link to Moontime for Kory on amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Flowering-Moontime/dp/0980168562

Let's Read About Puberty

These two well-illustrated books make great companion guides to Flowering Woman, Moontime for Kory.

The What’s Happening to My Body Book for Girls; a growing up guide for parents and daughters. by Linda Madaras with Area Madaras, Newmarket Press, New York, 2000 Third Edition.

Nine chapters deal clearly with all aspects of puberty and menstruation, including measuring for a bra and dealing with sexual harassment. The third edition I have is full of easy to read facts and well thought out illustrations. Plus, girls of all ages share personal stories of how they’ve dealt with various aspects of growing up.

“What’s Happening to Me?” The answers to some of the world’s most embarrassing questions. by Peter Mayle and illustrated by Arthur Robins. A Lyle Stuart Book, Carol Publishing Group, Secaucus, N.J. 1996.

It’s easy to see why this book has sold over a million copies. The images are so appealing—honest and funny. I laughed out loud at the page “Breasts like women come in all shapes and sizes.” That page illustration helped me feel better about myself. Girls often stare at me when I’m at the gym. So I smile and say, “Breasts, like women come in all shapes and sizes.” This book introduces preteens to puberty and, it’s a great companion book for Flowering Woman, Moontime for Kory.

MOONTIME FOR KORY GETS A MAKE-OVER

HERE'S NEWS FROM CO-AUTHOR

SHINAN BARCLAY

Moontime for Kory makes puberty an adventure. Through friendship, finding her talents and place in a community, a girl experiences a rite-of-passage into womanhood. The story also inspires readers to create a local, sustainable economy—so important in these changing times.

How is this book different from others on the market?
Most books on adolescent change and a girl’s first period are filled with anatomical diagrams and biological facts. As a historical fantasy, Flowering Woman, Moontime for Kory makes menstruation sacred and shows what is possible when women work together. In addition to being entertaining and heartwarming, the book contains information that eases a young reader’s concerns about how, where and when she’ll get her period. And, the wise grandmothers of the village offer profound advice on menstruation, sex, passion and pregnancy.
Many women have said that in reading Moontime for Kory they’ve experienced their own rite of passage. The story invites dialog between mothers and daughters, women friends and family members.

continued...

SHINAN BARCLAY ON MOONTIME FOR KORY

INTERVIEW WITH SHINAN BARCLAY

Tell us a little more about the book.
Let me read a 1989 review of the book by Mary Greer, Woman’s Spirituality Author in San Francisco. “Moontime for Kory shows us how to reclaim the power of Menarche, [first menses] and to celebrate this special time through gift giving, loving words of elders, envisioning the future, time spent alone and within, and the returning of the sacred blood of life to our Earth Mother. There is also the acceptance of new levels of responsibility and the bittersweet changes in childhood friendships which we have all experienced. This is both fairytale and vision.” This also speaks of the revised 2009 story.

So this is a rewrite of the earlier story?
It’s a major overhaul, a complete remodel. The first story was mostly written in summary. After moving to the Oregon Coast and teaching workshops on another book of mine, ABC’s of Nature Writing, I realized how much was missing from the Moontime story, in terms of scenes, description and actual facts. With the input of several friends, I revised the story again and again, making the characters ‘more real’ through descriptive actions and dialog. I hired a proofreader, two professional editors and a fact finder; all offered priceless ideas.

2009 VERSION OF FLOWERING WOMAN MOONTIME FOR KORY

AN INTERVIEW WITH SHINAN BARCLAY cont.

How is this new story different?

Hopefully over time, a writer changes. In twenty years, since co-authoring Moontime for Kory, my writing has dramatically improved and I felt uncomfortable with the quality of writing in the first book. One of the things that’s different is the descriptive writing itself. The story is also structurally enhanced. With additional writing, the word count doubled. Smaller units or chapters appeal to more readers. I created seventeen chapters and then divided those chapters into sections or parts – village life, initiation, celebration, resources.

There were no men in the first version; I added a father and other men going out to sea. I live in Charleston , a small fishing village on the southern Oregon coast; we have a bronze sculpture and memorial park for those lost at sea. Dealing with the loss of Kory’s father and Selene’s husband deepened the pathos of this new story.

The earlier characters were flat and plain. I had to do a lot of free association, thinking and research to explore each character’s life. I gave Selene a trade of basket-weaving, because it’s important for women and girls to think about ways they can express and provide for themselves within their community.

Here in Oregon, I’m involved in a local, sustainable economy group; how people provide for themselves and their families, how people eat and survive, are primary issues. In the first edition there was little village life; I rewrote the story to make Kory’s village a sustainable economy as a way of planting that idea in the reader’s mind.

One of the wise women in the earlier version has my middle name, Naom, but I thought it more important for current readers to be familiar with Durga, the dark goddess. A few years ago I had the intuitive prompting to take a sculpture class at the community college and was amazed as a huge dark goddess formed through my hands. We are living at the end of several cycles—planetary, solar and cosmic. The end of this epoch, according to many ancient religions, is in 2012. Who knows what will happen then? Through Durga, a wise-woman who raises and skins rabbits, I included the idea of creative destruction, the dark side of the goddess.

The editor I hired to fact-check informed me that menstrual blood attracts predators like bears, mountain lions and dingos. In the earlier version Mary Dillon and I had Kory spending her first-moon night alone on the beach. When I reread that episode, it felt dangerous to me. I wouldn’t want my young daughter sleeping alone on the beach, especially while she was bleeding. I wanted to create a Moonlodge for Kory and the village women, making it so inviting that readers would be inspired to build their own Moonlodge. Also, because I’ve been involved at the Cob Village nearby in Coquille, and because cob, a combination of earth, clay, sand and straw, is an easy, accessible, natural building material for sustainable villages, the idea of women building their own cob lodge plays into the vision of sustainability.

I had to make the relationship between the girl and the dolphin more believable. After a lot more research on dolphins I figured out how Kory could understand Mahrah, intuitively, clairvoyantly and physically; I wrote that into the story.

Building friendships is an important learning skill for children and having supportive friends is a necessity in adult life. That was also in my mind when I rewrote the story to strengthen the relationship between Kory and Mahrah.

I hired, bartered and begged professional writer friends to critique various parts of the manuscript. I invited ‘slash and burn.’ Susun S. Weed, author and herbalist, tucked the manuscript into her travel bag, and when her airplane was grounded for several hours in a snow storm, she read, critiqued and offered invaluable suggestions, including changing the dolphin’s name from Mara to Mahrah to give the dolphin more of an oceanic sound. Although writing is a solitary process, having a community of writer friends has empowered me to keep revising Moontime for Kory. The result is this new, dynamic story.

Here's what Readers say about FLOWERING WOMAN

TESTIMONIALS


"My daughter Annie recently reminded me that during the week of her first period I gave her a copy of a special book about the spiritual power of coming of age. though I had forgotten about it, she hadn't because she loved reading it: Flowering Woman, Moontime for Kory." pg 447 Christiane Northrup, M.D. Mother-Daughter Wisdom

"This fictional story emphasizes the spiritual dimensions of becoming a woman, rather than the physiological changes a young girl undergoes. The story imbues the experience of menarche with a joyful sense of beauty and empowerment."
K. Sweeny Mothering Magazine

"I have noted with happiness, this beautiful and descriptive story book, Flowering Woman, mirrors ancient tribal beliefs, as were practiced by our tribal ancestors, long since passed. I will encourage younger members of our tribe to read and digest its contents." William M. Martin,Elder, Coquille Tribe

"I loved the story about Kory and know that it's an important contribution to empowering and inspiring all women." Jane Fillmore, R.N. Montreal, Canada.

"Many of us dream of having a personal relationship with a dolphin. In your story we get to live the experience." Suzanne Foster Nottingham England

"You have told the story of life in a way that brings back the magic to adolescence." Tony Carito, Comedian

FLOWERING WOMAN , MOONTIME FOR KORY, a little history

How Flowering Woman, Moontime for Kory came into being.

In the Spring of 1986, Mary Dillon-Williamson and Shinan Barclay joined other women at a farewell ceremony for Vicki Noble in Cottonwood, Arizona. At that gathering Mary Greer spoke of a need for ceremonies and celebrations to help young girls honor their rite of passage. Remembering that we each contain part of the sacred feminine memory and pieces of the whole ancient wisdom, Mary, Shinan and others made an inner promise to honor their individual moontime as a way of reconnecting with this profound knowledge.

Months later, familiar with the wisdom that comes during moontime, Mary Dillon, heard conversation between a dolphin and young girl and scribbled down dialog. Mary stuffed the pages in a bottom desk drawer and a few years later, when she was moving, she came across the pages. Mary's spirit said, "take this to Shinan."

As Shinan held the yellow pages in her hands, her spirit said, "get this out there." Shinan worked and revised the rough draft, shaping it into a story, hired several illustrators to come up with drawings and then, created a publishing company to print the book. Everywhere Shinan went, she gave talks at libraries and civic organizations about "Flowering Woman" and moontime.

Mary Dillon-Williamson is a gardener, midwife and bead artist, who lives in the southwest.

Shinan Barclay is a storyteller, personal life-style coach, gardner and ceramic artist; she lives in the Pacific Northwest. Shinan's writing appears in over 400 magazines including:Ranger Rick, The Sun, Tuscon Lifeline, Sedona Journal of Emergence, San Diego Reader, Washington Women's Digest, Holistic Living News , as well as numerous Anthologies and international translations.

FLOWERING WOMAN, MOONTIME FOR KORY

Flowering Woman, Moontime for Kory